Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Could I Be With a Man Who Didn't Like My Natural Hair???

So recently, while on BlackGirlLongHair, there was a post about a lady with beautiful natural hair--gorgeous natural hair. But, her boyfriend of 7 years did not like it. He never came out and said he didn't like it until she asked and on another occasion he called her a "mophead". Check out that article HERE.

Now, this is a topic that me and my sisters discuss frequently--being with a man that accepts us for who we are. First off, I abhor any man that puts stock in the physical appearance of a woman. We must remember that our looks will change--it's inevitable. Is he going to leave me when I am not as beautiful as I once was? Second of all, it is not right for a man to dictate/have an opinion about how you look naturally. What right does he have to give you his opinion on how he feels you should look?

It's imperative that we remember to accept ourselves completely. I am at a point in my life that I have full acceptance of myself as a person. It has taken years and many lessons learned to come to this level in my life. So, why would I allow a man to come into my life that will make me feel insecure or horrible about the way I look or feel?

When I went natural, I was so pleased that I was doing it as a single woman. I did not have to worry about what a boyfriend/husband may think about it. This transition was solely about me and for me. Any man that now has an interest in me will see my natural tresses. This is a part of me.

About a couple of months ago, I went on a kinda date. It was with a guy I had an interest in and I was curious to see how this would go. The date was horrible simply because he was a very crude person--I don't do the sexual innuendos. Very disrespectful. I wore my hair in a full afro. He asked me "So, what's going on with the hair?". Then, he touched my afro. I simply stated that I would no longer conform my hair and choose to embrace my natural texture. "Oh ok. I feel you," he responded. That was the end of that conversation. I let it be known where I stood with my natural hair. He understood that this wasn't simply a hairstyle for me, but a lifestyle. A lifestyle that would not be changed.

We must let it be known to the men/friends/relatives in our lives that our natural hair is fully embraced by us. I won't compromise on my natural hair simply because it is more than just hair for me. This is about me accepting myself as God intended for me to do. This is about me loving myself as I was made naturally. On this issue, there is no compromise for me.

So my answer is "NO, I could not be with a man who didn't accept my natural hair."


  1. You know how I feel about this. A man should want you for you. The thing about being natural is that it is not just a hairstyle, but a lifestyle, the natural way.

  2. Good for you girl! When I went natural my husband went ballistic! He mourned for weeks and he couldn't stand looking at my hair. It's better now, but he does not like afros, or big hair at all. I love big hair, always have, but he likes straight and wrapped. It's still hard because when I wear a puff his whole attitude changes. He HATES it with a passion. As for me...I feel like this is the most natural thing in the world. I love it!

  3. Woot! I support you in your stance: although mine is slightly different. I let my hubby dictate the length of my hair and he lets me dictate his. We believe that our bodies belong to not just ourselves but each other. Our reasoning: since we love the other, we want to be pleasing in every way, including physically, to each other. However, I don't know any couples with our mindset (different strokes for different folks) and I think that yours is wonderful too!